Memories
by write4evr
Summary: ...Fading slowly at first, and then quicker and quicker the more I thought of him. Almost as if I was robbing him of his life and taking it as my own…


**Kay, well, I was without homework tonight, and I had a tub of ice cream, a notebook, a pen, and my iPod. This was bound to happen. :P**

'I never want to see you cry, or see you alone, or angry, or betrayed, and I never, ever want to see you heartbroken because of me.' That was a phrase I used to repeat over and over again in my head, even after I'd seen my blue eyed, black haired boy crying, alone, angry, betrayed, and heartbroken. That's a phrase I still repeat today. _Not that it matters anymore, _I think to myself as I watched Alec, pale skin pulled even tighter over his cheeks than usual, sleep.

I would never forget the look he'd had on his face when everything had started falling apart…the corners of his lips were turned down, bottom lip stuck out ever so slightly, dark eyes wide. He'd looked thoughtful, and hopeless. Then there was the sarcastic smirk on his face when we'd fight about it, and all of a sudden, words were his best weapon, able to cut through even the thickest skins. All those minutes, hours, days spent ignoring each other…all time wasted.

"We always fixed it though, didn't we?" I whispered, a giggle escaping my lips as gently stroked Alec's cheek, watching as tiny creases formed near his eyes, and he slowly developed worry lines.

I remember a time when there'd been a spider in the shower, and I'd been too busy laughing at Alec's reaction to enjoy the fact that there was an extremely adorable, half naked male in my apartment, practically on his _knees _begging me to do something for him…which was pretty amazing, even if that something was killing a bug. That had been before we'd started dating, I think, or in the every early stages of everything…why'd he been here? …I think it had something to do with Jace, as everything always did. Anyway…that was something I'd never let him forget, and it had only made me love him more.

And then there was the time we'd attempted baking, because it was snowy and cold and extremely corny (in his eyes) and romantic (in my eyes). However, we'd ended up with the cookie dough we'd destroyed the kitchen making, two spoons, a bottle of tequila, and _a lot _of sob stories, instead of warm, normal cookies.

I laughed at the memory, watching as Alec's hair got shorter and slowly lost its midnight, raven's wings color.

Another moment that I'd never forget, and not for a pleasant reason, was the first time we'd had a screaming match over Camille, and we'd _both _ended up in tears. I don't think I'd ever seen the blue eyed boy so upset before. I can remember the want, the _need, _to just hold him, and make everything right…and not doing so, because I was too stubborn.

"I'm sorry for that, Alexander…I'm sorry for all the times we fought. It was pointless, a pointless waste of time."

I remember all the would-be-perfect moments that were ruined by the elephant in the room—immortality. Never spoken of, but _always _thought about.

The way he'd hardly look at me on his birthdays as he got a little older, and I remained eighteen.

Grimacing, I thought of the way he'd completely broken down when he turned forty, and his age began to show.

"I always loved you just as much as I did when you were nothing but that awkward eighteen year old Lightwood boy, no matter how old you got. You just never believed it."

Even with all the memories of the good, the bad, the ugly, the stupid, the romantic, and the just plain adorable, there was one that stood out like the moon on a cloudless night. Thinking about it brought tears to my eyes, blurring my vision of my agelessly beautiful soul mate. Never before, in all my countless years, had I hurt so much as when I received the news of the inevitable. He'd been only fifty, or so, at that point, and he'd still been killing demons like he always had. Once a fighter, always a fighter, I suppose. Anyway, something had gone wrong, him and Jace and been out by themselves, and, well…

Neither of them had made it back.

"People thought I'd been _happy _about it…" I whispered to myself as I desperately tried to cling to Alec's slowly fading hand.

"They thought I'd be glad to be rid of you. They thought you were nothing but a dead weight to me, since you were so much older, and always away with Shadowhunter business anyway…"

But those people were washed up, sick, sons of a bitch who had clearly never really been in _love. _Alec was always stunning in my eyes, even when it got to the point that he looked more like Robert than anyone else. Alec had always kept me laughing. He always warmed my heart and made my day brighter when he smiled. He always loved me, and I always loved him. He had always had my heart. He still _does _have my heart.

"I love you, Alexander…" I whispered, as I always had and always would, as his vision faded away.

Alec had never really left me, see. Every night I stayed up, unable to sleep, plagued with the vision of him sleeping next to me like he always had, fading slowly at first, and then quicker and quicker the more I thought of him. Almost as if I was robbing him of his life and taking it as my own…

Which is almost exactly what I'd done.

…**I dunno about this ending. I get it, but do you? XD Anyway, Hello by Evanescence came on as soon as I started writing the end of this, so, that was pretty awesome. And eeemmm…yeah…**

**Bye. XD**

**~Matti**


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